I wish i was in the wii world.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
