the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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