That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
