I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
