I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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