I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
