were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize