your thong is hanging out like whoa
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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