Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
