Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
