So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
