it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
