i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
