Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
