The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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