Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
