Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
