I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
