I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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