so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
