Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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