i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
