I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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