I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
