you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize