my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
