Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
