i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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