What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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