I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
