May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
