You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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