Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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