You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize