I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize