Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
