im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
