My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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