it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
