My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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