We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize