Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
