sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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