he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
