shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Congratulations! We have a period
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