you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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