I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
