Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't put those talents on a resume
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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