Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
