I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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