there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
