I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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