the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
