The maid of honor just puked.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
