Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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