I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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