you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
