She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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