so that wasnt chicken after all
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
