Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
