He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
