I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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