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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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