Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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