I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
