hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
