And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
